Aly is not your typical four year old. I truly hope this post will help the Alyssa of the future to look back and understand a little bit more about herself in her early years. As a parent, i am simply unable to string a sentence together to say that my daughter has special needs. To me, she is just super special and C'mon, tell me which child does not have needs?
Close friends and family tell me to steer clear of the labels that society likes to stick on kids so as to "understand" them. Behaviors become self-fulfilling prophecies for symptoms. Mainstream school teachers have little patience for the non-conforming child and looks to us to get a diagnosis and recommend quick fixes. Admittedly, even us as anxious parents, we scour the internet to try to learn more about what we can never truly understand. And as parents, we also want to protect our children against the world's judgment. And we do. Everyone judges, and indeed, one day Aly will also judge herself.
When that day comes as she reads this, we want to tell her what a beautiful child she is, inside and out. And God has blessed her so much, for her to be wired in this unique way. When the world does not understand her, we want to tell her it doesn't matter, because she does not need to live her life to please others.
So what shall i say about lovely little four year old Alyssa? Our little girl has a sensitive soul and she reacts with lots of emotions to things that may delight or trouble her. She beams her widest smiles and jumps up and down in excitement when she is happy. But getting upset can mean a full blown melt down, especially for the unitiated caregiver, it can spiral way out of control.
Perfectionism runs in the family and Alyssa has definitely caught a "bad" case of this. She used to refuse to write certain letters of the alphabet until she practiced them to perfection. In violin class, she thrives on praise and gets upset when she does not do as well as the rest.
Alyssa is extra sensitive to sound, textures and the environment. Thankfully, she is good at verbalizing her thoughts, so we have no difficulty in understanding her needs to turn down the volume of the radio or to move to a quieter place. It took her 4.5 years to agree to take off her shoes on the beach and get over the fear of sand on her feet. She sees patterns in what we do not and asks questions we may not perceive. She is mentally aware and we can see her always internalizing and being brave about changes, which clearly affects her.
Little Aly is a gifted child. And no, i didn't need to put her through any test to figure that out. Her grasp of language and vocabulary is profound and she loves numbers, mathematics and also space and time concepts. She loves to read both fiction and non fiction, in particular about planets and stars. She is very artistic and keenly pursues challenges in dance and art and she is also a natural musicians. She picks up tunes that she hears from tv and can replicate on the piano by ear. Her academic abilities are easily a few years ahead of her peers.
Her giftedness often masks the struggles she has as some of her capabilities do not develop at the same speed as others. I hardly see Alyssa initiate unprompted conversations. She is usually comfortably in her own world and always thinking about something. I see her unable to hold meaningful eye contact most of the time and does not really have any friends or really understand the concept of relationship. Getting her to share about her day is virtually impossible.
Aly has no interest in the activities of her peers or her younger brother and is happy to be self-absorbed, even though other times i can feel her longing as well to join the rest of the class in their play and conversations. While sometimes socially inapt, at other times she can display the most loving affection to us and often i have seen her offer hugs freely too, to her teachers and those around her. At school, the teachers tell us, "we wouldn't know what to do if Alyssa doesn't come for school. We are always excited and waiting to hear what she will say." It is nice for us to see you have such an impact on peopls around you even at your tender age of four.
I write all these now. But i know one year later, you will again change so fast before my very eyes. One day you may read this and laugh...oh...was i like that when i was small, you may ask. Who knows? Que sara sara.
I wish that the supposed weaknesses in you will become your strengths. Your sensitivities will not break you but instead set you apart. I wish you will find friends in your years ahead, that are of like mind and spirit. That you will also always know that mom and dad will always love you, for you are always that super special Aly.
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